What a great day...

Don't tell anyone... but I'm really falling for Lisa...

...

falling hard...

...

We went to church together today... See! She kept her promise!

She was running so late; I'm surprised we made it on time.  This is the first time I have ever sat next to a girl, in church, that I actually like.  We were lightly holding hands in the pew.  I'm glad she came.  Afterwards, we went to a friend's house, who had invited us to come out to that congregation.  It's a nice mixed congregation... Whites, Blacks, Filipinos, Indians, Hispanics... you name it.  So at the house, we just all talked for a bit... Lisa was really happy and bouncy... she was basically hopping around... It made me happy to see her like that.  And she was so comfortable she wrapped her arms around me and gave me a big hug... lots of love and affection, I set it aside in my head that I always wanna do my best to keep her that comfortable... Nice day, right?

Dean.

Yesterday I got to see Lisa, I hardly get to spend time with her, and even less a few moments alone.  Basically we were surrounded by ppl all night, except for the very end when we waited on the J train... I actually missed a few trains. I kept telling her I'll take the next one, and going back to my last post, and an even older one, it's like I said, emotional vampire.  I really wanted to squeeze every last drop outta the little time we had together.  She was a little cold so she had like goosebumps, I tried to keep her warm by putting my arms around her... one problem, I'm slim and have little hands.  I had to rethink a million things last night as to where our relationship was headed.  There a little bit of uncertainty, but I like the fact that things are going down a good road, at a controllable pace.  I prayed about it and said to God that I don't know what the decision to start dating her meant, and I don't even know if I gave myself a lot to work with there.  So everything committed to God I said if you can create everything ex nihilo, I am assured that you can take the little I have and make it great.  In term's of this relationship, I hope God guides it.  She's her priorities strait and is very good at sticking to her word, and loyal.  And addressing the other issue I had brought up last post, she said she would go to church with me a couple of weeks in a row... haha, we are kind of avoiding going to my local church, instead we are going to another one, where no one knows either of us... sad to say, but people talk and can't really mind their own business.  Especially those mothers that want me to be their son-in-law.  Another plus is that Bruno, of all people, gave her a thumbs up.  First time he has given a girl a seal of approval.  Just have to see what Rajan says... He's actually a harder critic.  Avi's a pushover... he likes her already.  Either ways im the one who has to date her,right?  And I couldn't be happier! Sam, you didn't welcome me to the club...

No Longer Single,

-Dean N. Gunraj

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty.
He said no
She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever.
He said no
She then asked him if he would cry if she walked away.
He again said no.
She had heard too much.
She needed to leave.
As she walked away, he grabbed her arm and told her to stay, he said,
"You're not pretty, your beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever. I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die."

A lot of things have changed... some of you know(, others don't,) about this girl I have started seeing.  I really want to make her happy, and not break her heart.  I think the worst thing about her is that she doesn't attend church services as much as I would like.  It's not that she has anything against it, but it's the usual ranking of priorities.  I talked to her about it, and I am glad to say that she said she would come more often.  Nothing would make me happier than to see her take Christ as Lord, God, Saviour, and Friend.  I look at women like my own mother.  She's really great and it's mostly due to Christ in her life.  That's why I feel it's important.  Plus everyone wants to know that their significant other isn't "condemned already"(-John 3:18).  But all things in mind, she is a really great person.  Honestly because of how everything is for the both of us, academia and all...  I'm taking things easy and giving her lots of space to do well with her studies.  (It's so sweet, she wrote a poem about me.  I wanted to cry, but I didn't.  OH and I absolutely ADORE the time we spend together.  I soak up every last moment like a leech.)  Well until next time xoxo to everyone!

Sick with the flu (or something like it),

-Dean

Been a while since I have posted... I am looking foward to the upcoming school semester... looking foward to, yet utterly fearing. (College buddies can back me up on this one.)  I think I got my mother a little angry yesterday.  The whole situation is kind of strange, we could discuss any issue of denomination and I remember her once saying neither protestants nor roman catholics are necessarily the followers of our Lord Jesus.  But then as my critique (also with critique toward my own short comings) shifts through the conversation the spinning needle on the selection pie chart in this game of churchianity lands on the Pentecostal movement.  First and foremostly, I have nothing personal against the Trinitarian Pentecosal Church.  (The Unitarians and myself are still locked in debate; they're losing.)  But well the natural question I always asked is how dedicated to Christ is the group.  This question itself consists of many other questions.  Importantly I myself focus on addressing issues of utmost trust in the will and power of God, accuracy, and authenticity.  Now before I continue I do know of men whom were either branded or branded themselves pentecostalists, whose goal it was to fully seek and serve God in book Spirit and Truth.  Men such as my departed uncle, Mohammed Ishmael.  Who at his uttmost breaking point, left his family's tradition of Islam and came seeking the light that only Christ could offer.  I would say I am sure of him now, because he can do no more for the sake of the Gospel.  I would say he had a very high energy level, yet he was very conservative.  He was on fire, yet so aware that God was in control, I would say that He was much more aware than the greater part of the Assemblies of God in the 5 boroughs of New York City.  I do not speak these kind words as a form of respect toward the sake of his R.I.P.  No, I am establishing a benchmark.  Personally, I could care less how much or how little noise you make, or how much you dance.  But in his example I would say I never heard complexity.  Just the simplicity that is in Christ Jesus.  He was a sensational person, but I wouldn't not corall him with the rest of AG saying that he was easily sway to exercise sensationalism as a form of propaganda.  Of such, everyone should be warned, including the Assemblies of God, and greater Trinitarian Pentecostal Church.  Now like I said, more or less I am using his life as a slight benchmark (Christ as the ultimate benchmark, of course).  Now for the majority of my life I grew being indoctrinated by the Pentecostal Church.  Yet it is not until I ended up rejecting all denomination in all forms, including the Pentecostalism was it that I noticed life started finally pointing toward Christ.  I have noticed that on some occasions (those occasions with full Holy Biblical foundations and the truth filled revelation of the Holy Spirit).  That they preached for the most part the simplicity of Christ.  One thing that set back a higher degree of respect for the organization was this crazy teaching/interpretation of scripture in which a minister said it would be illegal that God should situate himself in the physical realm because of His nature, and the dominion in which He gave men, the same minister stated the same of Satan.  I would say that the Pentecostal Church has for the most part given too much credit and power to Satan.  Along those lines I asked the simple question, what about Jesus' temptation where Satan says that he now has dominion given to him from men.  A slight question that would dispell an entirely incorrect doctrine.  Simply stated for many of us, we understand by scripture and by experience that God is omnipresent.  This would have posed a problem because the greater feeling in the organization is that they really trust their ministers on all they speak.  So when I said, "I took notes, I am going to check on the things he preached about," conflicted sparked.  Simply the lesson to learn is that in one sense or another (as previously discussed in the barber shop a.k.a. the forum) to some extent all denominations are cults, and I believe the minute inclusion they have to the Christian title shift focus off of our Lord and our God.  You see I used the Pentecostal Movement, and my uncle as examples.  But putting both aside the lesson to be learned still rests on Jesus Christ.  The prejudices of the demoninations will not stand in the kingdom of heaven.  I have sat quietly as Pentecostalists try to convince me that I have no revelation or experience of the Holy Ghost because I haven't experience God in their way (now the thing is I could tell that that I have visually seen and audibly heard the Lord Jesus Christ in all His glory and what would they then say about my experiences with God, even I don't down-play an individuals experience with God because I have had such an experience. In my mind every, experience with God is equally pertinent when it leads a person to Christ. Perhaps these few think I am lying, does it matter? The resting question that sits in my head is do they say this because I choose to see God as my Master rather than my tool?  I can reminesce on Benny Hinn's name-it-and-claim-it teaching, totally without Biblical basis, for we read that it is according to the will of God that things are brought to past.  I am reminded of T.D. Jakes' modalist tones.  And I am given goosebumps of chilling fear to think that these are the people (as well as many other Protestants) that recite the Apostles' Creed, yet make modifications to it, one of which is the removal of the part that says I believe in one holy catholic and apostlic church.  I believe it's an issue of insecurity.  Plain and simply to wrap this up, sometimes you find yourself among Christian, sometimes you find yourself among Protestants.

I.H.S.

Dean N. Gunraj

There's alotta guys I know that wanna get married... I am not only speaking of you (you know who you are).  They really love their girls, I know that.  And I am sure they could count the grains of sand and find that number of reasons for them to spend a lifetime with those women.

What is it about guys that make us so ardently romantic (in thought mostly).  Should this be considered hardwired genetics instilled for the purpose of procreation, set into work by our Creator.  Nah, probably more a cultural thing.  I think the places where you find these slipknot cavaliers are the more westernized regions.

One thing I think girls need to realize about men under such an influence is that we are more romantic that you girls are, with the level of creativy to back it up.  I don't say this to diminish the significance of emotional contributions that any woman may have to offer, but I say there is great reason and logic behind this.  This reason, this logic... well that would take a few pages worth of posting to explain.  Take my word on this one.  The emotional potential of a relationship rest a little more on men, as much as they should deny it.  I think we are like emotional vampire wanting to suck as much love as we can outta our female counterparts... but we really love you guys, we don't say it and think we love you enough to say it... for us love is expressed verbally and otherwise because the journey to love was a trip we took barefoot on rugged terrain in the hot sun of our intense burning for you.  Love because we could match it with the willingness to endure suffering to match.  Love means for a guy that he has crossed a line, reached a point of no return, and faced a limit which he has broken..

Now with these friend who just love these girls so much they don't want to let go they get excited and want to marry, justly so.  But my friends, easy.  Remember how you first approached love, you asked yourself a sequence of questions to discern where you stood.  Columbus upon approach the shores of the Americas ask a number of question to determine his location, until through logic he discovered he wasn't in india.  When all our quandries were satisfied, and all systems showed green, we hit the launch button and went at full throttle, because thats the only speed that could break the gravity of situation.  That's LOVE!

But now marriage is like that.  Start asking the question because right now, your love is outta this world... but marriage means that we must now leave the moon station and journey toward the more distant stars... Trusting in God and understanding yourself... endeavor of both... are all systems green?  The answer once again makes the decision.  Me and Sam were discussing how this decision is a two part, but its answer is binary... pass or fail... make sure both lights are lit... and make sure all systems are green.

Trust in God,

Dean N. Gunraj